Everybody into the pool
by blc
Summary: Booth & Brennan fight over significant life events, to the joy of the betting pool. Disclaimer: all characters and some dialogue the property of Fox and the show's producers. Plotline is the author's. Chapter 3 is now up.
1. Chapter 1

Everybody into the pool

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Everybody into the pool, by BLC

"Now look, if you don't tell me who he is I am just going to have to put you under surveillance."

"It's none of your business, Booth!"

Their yelling preceded them into the lab. She was leading by at least three feet, looking furious. He was half running to keep up with her, looking stubborn and pissed. The air was literally crackling around them, and I was certain anyone who stepped into their orbit would have gotten electrocuted.

"Bones, I'm just trying to protect you. I mean, you don't have the best taste in men…"

"The chief of orthopedic surgery at Walter Reed is NOT a psychopath, and there's NO need to check him out! He is a highly-regarded member of the community!"

"Really, Bones? Because I remember a certain Deputy Director of the FBI…."

She wheeled to face him. "Ok, first, I was never dating Kirby, so that argument is totally useless, and second, I can take care of myself!"

He was in her face as he yelled, "I took a bullet for you! I think I am qualified to say when you do and don't need protection!"

"And I've killed two men for you, and wounded at least a half a dozen others. Why does that not count?" Her chest was heaving, and if she wasn't my boss, and if I wasn't engaged to her best friend, I'd think she was totally hot—eyes flashing, chest heaving, cheeks flushing.

"That is so hot," I heard behind me. Angela had crept up on me as I, like everyone else in the lab, stopped their work to watch the rip-roaring fight in front of us. "That's what I was thinking," I murmured. I repeated my prior observation from an earlier fight—"there's enough sexual tension there to power a small city." Sweets, who had been waiting for the partners in Dr. B.'s office, came out to stand behind us. "Dude, this is awesome," he murmured.

"Bones, look it counts, that's not what I meant, but, I mean, you haven't been exactly lucky with the fellas…"

"Booth, why do you insist on reminding me that my love life is either nonexistent or an absolute failure? Does it amuse you that I might be lonely?" Her voice dropped, suddenly, to an almost whisper. "Because I am, you know."

Booth had the grace to turn red and look ashamed. Angela had inhaled when Dr. B. told the G Man she was lonely. "C'mon Bones, you've got me, you're not lonely."

"What, what do I have? I have a partner who scares off anyone I ever think of dating, who never lets me drive, who won't let me have a gun, and who tells me I can't make my own mistakes! You put that damned line there Booth, you made it clear you don't want me, now back off so I can try to do my best for myself on my side of your precious professional line." Dr. B.'s voice had risen again, but she was really upset—her voice had cracked on the word "line."

"What line?" whispered Angela. "No idea, babe," I said, keeping my voice low so they wouldn't notice that everything else had stopped around them. "I'll tell you later," said Sweets. Angela shushed him, turning us back to the next round starting up in front of us.

"What do you mean I don't want you? You crazy woman! Why the hell did you think I put it there in the first place? Because I had platonic feelings for you? For Christ's sake, Bones, I've wanted to throw you over the exam table, the desk, my backseat, Sweets' sofa, God Help Me, and any marginally horizontal or vertical surface and make love to you until you shut the hell up with all your squint babble since the first day I met you!"

It was like watching a car accident; I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't look away.

"Well, that's all fine and dandy, because I have wanted to shove you into every storage closet, elevator, empty office, and dark alley and show you that your alpha male tendencies are no match for my alpha female tendencies since the day I met you!"

They both looked at each other, chests heaving, nose to nose. It was dead quiet. You could've heard an electron orbit a nucleus.

"Really?" he asked, as she asked "Really?" at the same time.

I now know how the universe must have felt right before the Big Bang. There was a Pause, a building up of something explosive, and then, Bang.

It happened so fast that later, no one could say who started it. Some people think they both closed the distance. Some are sure he was a millisecond ahead of her. In any event, they were wrapped around each other like vines in an instant, kissing.

"Ange, don't get me wrong, I love you, but…" I looked over at her. "Yeah. That is the greatest kiss of all time." She sighed, smiling. Sweets just looked confused. "My sofa?"

The next thing we knew, Booth had swept Brennan up in his arms, and so help me, started sprinting out the door, the two of them barely coming up for air. He must have had radar, because I swear he wasn't watching out for any obstacles.

As the door slammed shut behind them, everyone blinked and shook themselves out of our communal daze. I looked down at my computer, pulled up a document, and cleared my throat. There was an air of expectation, hardly diminished since the two of them had left the room. "And the winner, of the Booth-Brennan First Kiss Pool, with a guess of in the lab, within three months of Booth's getting shot, is . . ."

There was a massive inhalation.

"Larry the night watchman!"

There was a whoop from the crowd near the columns, and Larry strode forward, pumping his arms in the air. "I won! I won!"

He was immediately surrounded by well-wishers, wanting to know how he'd figured it out. I overheard him saying something about security cameras, and keeping track of how many late night and early morning visits there'd been, and something else I didn't catch, because I was preoccupied with what came next.

"OK, people, that's enough. Let Larry collect his winnings, while the rest of you sorry losers get in line. I am happy to announce the creation of a new pool—How Soon Until He Argues Her Into Marrying Him? There will also be separate pools for where the proposal will take place, when they will move in together, and how soon she gets him to let her drive. Entry fee is 50.00 a pop, ladies and gentlemen, step right up."

Angela got out the pool jar, paid out Larry the 10,000.00 in bets we'd collected, and queued up the new pool spreadsheets. Nothing was ever going to be as fun as this first pool, but the entire staff of the Jeffersonian was game for another round.

"Hey, somebody want to call over to Booth's office and let them know this pool is closed, and we're taking entries for the new ones?"

"I'll call Cullen," offered Cam. "He's going to be pissed that he missed that, even if he is out 50.00."


	2. Chapter 2

They were arguing again, this time in her office, but still loud enough for everyone to hear. I almost thought about getting out a sound meter-- the decibels were deafening. Angela came over to my station, as Cam poked her head out of the office.

"Bones! We've been together for six months now! You've moved all your stuff into my place! Parker calls you Mom Number Two! Rebecca likes you so much we have him every weekend! There's no reason for your stubborn refusal!"

"It's an archaic institution! I've told you! I don't need a piece of paper from the government to tell the world how I feel about you. And don't you dare bring Parker into this! He doesn't care!"

Cam came up behind me, and hissed. "Oh, he shouldn't have brought the motherhood thing in. She's going to deck him." Ange murmured agreement.

"Damnit, Bones, it's not about a piece of paper! And I know you love me, you infuriating, stubborn, love of my life! But marriage is an age-old institution that continues to have validity in our culture today, specifically because of its continuing currency in underlying the seriousness of the parties' relationships, and guarding the partners and products of that union from outside interference. I don't need some piece of paper to tell you I love you, but if that piece of paper prevents others from questioning your seriousness and mine, allows me to protect you better, and you to me, _and_ affords Parker more protection than you can give him as an unrelated adult, then I think you should be serious about considering it before telling me no over and over again!"

I could see him pacing, running his hands through his hair like he does when he's agitated. She was fuming, but as she watched him, her face softened, her expression changing as she thought through what he'd said.

"When the hell did you become so logical, Booth?"

Sweets, who I didn't even know was in the lab, and who I didn't hear come up behind me, made a satisfied noise. "Ah, he brought out the logic. Dude, what to be excellent." That kid needs to stop watching Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure on cable. Seriously.

"So you'll do it? You'll marry me?" He'd stopped short in his steps, looking at her with hope. Angela bit back a squeal, merely bouncing in place, and holding my arm in a death grip. She's thin, but she's strong.

"Yes. I can't fault your argument. You're absolutely right." There were murmurs from the crowd behind him.

He put his hand in one pocket, pulled out a ring, and fell to one knee, looking up at her with adoration as a look of love softened her face, and a smile bloomed.

"Temperance Brennan, will you marry me?"

She placed her hand on his cheek, saying softly, "Yes, Seeley Booth, I will," then held out her hand, smiling even more brightly as he slipped the ring on her finger. He stood then, and pulled her into an embrace even more passionate than the kiss they'd shared when they'd finally admit that they loved each other, before letting her go. Looking dazed, she grabbed his lapels, then whispered something to him. His Charm Smile lit up, and he again swept her into his arms, striding out of the lab in an instant.

Again there was silence. Again, I shook my head, and pulled up a document. Again, the crowd gathered round. I looked up, cleared my throat, and caught the eyes of the crowd. Somehow, Sam Cullen had made it over this time, Caroline Julian with him. I had no idea how they'd gotten here so fast. Perhaps the rumors about the army's secret tunnels underlying all government buildings in the city were true.

"And the winner of the marriage pool, with a bet of six months to the day, in her office, is Ben from Janitorial Services!"

Ben whooped with happiness, as I unlocked the drawer holding the kitty. "Here you go, man," I said, shaking my head. I couldn't believe we'd actually collected 25,000.00 in bets, a last minute 5000.00 cash entry by a Roxie Carmichael in Intel over at the Hoover coming in the day before yesterday, as well as one from a Tony Bandoli in Surveillance, again from the Hoover, again for 5000.00 cash, both betting six months and a week. I wondered where they'd gotten the cash, but they'd lost, and Ben had won. Poor bastards, whoever they were.

"Next up, the baby pool. Increments are in weeks, months and years. Step right up, ladies and gentlemen. Minimum entry is 25.00."

- - -

"Nice job, Roxie."

"You too, Tony."

"He got the bets and the cash in time, right?"

"Yes, I checked the spreadsheet and the kitty to make sure. He really needs to get a better padlock. That thing came off in ten seconds."

"Good, I'm glad. That ought to be enough to cover the rest of his mother's medical bills. I just wish we'd known about the last pool, we could have seeded it so Larry won more."

"Bones-- you didn't know he was facing foreclosure, and that money got him out of it, anyway."

"True."

"He has the next one cued up, the baby one."

"Is that the due date, or the fight when we find out?"

"The fight."

"Well, you'll have to twist my arm on that one a bit, still. Let's see who bets what for when, and I'll let you know."

"Really?"

"Really. I love you, you know. And Parker's too wonderful not to have an impact on my opinion."

"I love you too, Bones."

"I can't believe he thought we wouldn't see the money passing hands on the way out, the last time. I mean, you are a sniper, you can see out of the corners of your eyes, even when your hands are up my shirt."

"You've got that right. I can't believe he thinks 'PearlyGates' isn't the easiest password in the world."

"Yeah, and 'diatemaceous' for the document key? So obvious."


	3. Chapter 3

She stormed in through the revolving doors, a whirlwind pushing the glass forward almost purely in anger. It was like one of those storm fronts, where the air's heavy, right before all hell breaks loose and the worst thunder and lightning of your life rips the sky apart. All activity in the front lobby stilled as she stormed in, everyone caught, motionless, as her fury and something else, still inexplicable, rolled off her.

This, I had to see, especially if it was what I thought it was.

She disappeared into the elevator, no one daring to enter it with her. As soon as the door closed, I ran over to the stairwell, calling "Fight!" over my shoulder. "He's in his office!" I called, then let the door slam behind me. I pounded up the stairs, hoping I'd beat her there. I've never run so fast in my life, even from that jock who tried to pound me when his girlfriend the cheerleader kissed me because she got an A on the paper I helped her write. There was a stampede of people following behind me, the thunder of feet shaking the stairs. I made it, and nonchalantly took a seat on the desk opposite Charlie, one of his desk agents, and I could hear others quietly creeping in behind me.

I quirked an eyebrow at Charlie as he looked at me, and he stilled, as did everyone else in the bullpen, when the elevator door opened. Again, the air stilled—actually crackled, as she stormed in, striding past all of us without taking us in. He was sitting at his desk, working hard at some stack of paper, but he must have felt her coming, because he, too, looked up, just in time for her to burst through his door.

"You! You did this to me!" She yelled, pointing her finger at him so forcefully I could almost feel it from here.

"What, baby? What's the matter, sweetheart?" he asked, looking concerned and rising from his chair.

"Sweets, Cherie, is this what I think it is?" I heard Caroline Julian murmur behind me.

"I think so," I said, keeping my voice low.

She shook her head. "That girl's going to tear him limb from limb."

Sam Cullen, standing behind her, shook his head, agreeing. Softly, he whispered to Charlie, "Get an ambulance on standby. If she cold cocks him, he's going to be knocked into next week."

He'd been advancing toward her, a worried look on his face, clearly meaning to pull her into one of those hugs that makes the rest of us feel like we have no understanding of what an embrace is.

"Don't you take one step further, Seeley Michael Booth-Brennan," she growled. Oh, that's so wretched. The full name treatment. He's really in trouble. Other men, standing behind me, including Sam Cullen, hissed in sympathy. She's going to kill him, calling him by his full name like that.

"Call that ambulance, now," Cullen repeated.

"Oh, it _is_ what I think it is," Caroline said.

"Baby, come on, what is it?" he asked, stopping short. Even he knew not to touch her when she was in one of her moods.

"Don't call me baby. And don't you dare touch me. That's what started all this, anyway. You asshole! You did this on purpose!" Oh, dude. She really _was_ going to kill him.

"Did what? Temperance, darling, I have no idea what you're talking about! Come on, honey, talk to me." He knew was in deep. He was using every endearment in the playbook. She stepped forward, right into his chest, and jabbed him once, hard, in the chest. Even he flinched a little.

"Ouch," I heard from a few guys behind us. I winced in sympathy, too. That looked like it hurt.

"You! It wasn't enough for you to ask me not to go to Ethiopia, was it? I told you the civil unrest wasn't that bad! And I even agreed to let you come with me, even though you'll be bored and I'll have to listen to you whine the whole time we're there about no decent cheeseburgers and how you can't watch any of your stupid sports games on the TV!" She was jabbing him, hard, at the end of each statement.

"Mmm, he's going to bruise, that's for sure," murmured Caroline. I heard some feet behind me, and turned to see Dr. Hodgins, Ms. Montenegro, Dr. Saroyan, and a few other folks from the lab coming in to stand behind me.

"What did we miss?" Angela whispered. Sam Cullen leaned over, and gave her the recap. She stifled a squeal, grabbing Jack's hand so tightly instead that he winced.

"But no! You! What did you do? Replace my birth control with sugar pills? Poke a hole in the condom? You and your goddamned super sperm, Booth! You did this to me! I'll be too far along to fly now, much less spend six weeks at a dig in the middle of August!" She was still jabbing him at the end of each sentence. Only she would want to go dig up bodies in Africa in the middle of August. And only he would agree to accompany her.

At the words "birth control pills," the air in the room became utterly silent. And at the same time, his face changed to surprised, delirious joy.

"You're pregnant? We're having a baby?!?" he yelled, picking her up and twirling her around as she swatted him on the head.

"Put me down!" she yelled. "I'm not done yelling at you!"

He put her down, instantly. He is so whipped. I mean, in a good way. It's rather hard not to do what Dr. Booth-Brennan tells you to, especially when she gives you that stare of hers. Or better yet, that charm smile she stole from him, then improved upon. He couldn't restrain himself though, and pulled her in for a long, lingering kiss.

"Mmm—that's at least seventeen steamboats," said Caroline, and Angela jumped up and down in place, still stifling her squeal. Jack looked like he was in significant pain as Angela kept clutching his hand.

"Stop that," she said, pushing away and still glaring at him. "Don't think making my knees turn to jello is going to make me forgive you."

He tried to stifle his joy, but he couldn't, and he picked her up, twirling her around again. "But baby, we're having a baby!"

She started swatting him again, and yelled, "Even worse, twins! Put me down!"

He practically dropped her. Twins? There was a murmur behind us. I heard Jack murmur "Crap. I never put _that_ in the betting pool."

"Twins!?!" He looked stunned.

"Yes!" she said, poking him hard again. "I'm going to get twice as fat, twice as fast, you and your goddamned sperm and your goddamned genetics gave me twins, and I'm really, _really_, not happy with you right now."

"Damn," whispered Caroline. "I had odds on she'd punch him by now."

"Me too," whispered Dr. Saroyan. "Rats."

I was fascinated, though I'd already lost. I'd laid my money on the platform at the lab, a month later from now.

"Bones," he said softly, pulling her in to one of those patented "_shut out the world_" Booth-Brennan hugs, as some of the women behind us started to "_aw_," "I'm sorry we can't go to Ethiopia. I really didn't do anything on purpose, I promise. I know you wanted to go. But… aren't you just a little bit happy?"

I missed what she said, she was mumbling into his chest, and he said something back softly in return, and then she got mad all over again and pushed away, and started jabbing him again.

"Don't you sweet talk me, Seeley Michael Booth-Brennan! I am a walking hormone factory right now, and you will just learn to put up with it, seeing as this is _all your fault_!" He stood there taking it like a man, a goofy smile on his face as she kept poking him.

"Okay, Bones, whatever you say," he said quietly. She just whacked him.

"Ouch, again," I said. Dr. Saroyan even winced, and of all of us, she was most likely to take Dr. Booth-Brennan's side.

"I'm hungry, and horny, and my bra doesn't fit and my back hurts, and this is _all your fault_!" she wailed, then whacked him again. Oh, man, she was really worked up.

"Sweetheart," he said, risking a right cross as he pulled her in and kissed her again. "I'm sorry it happened right now, really I am, but we've been talking about this."

"They have? Shit. There goes my bet," muttered Sam Cullen. That's right. There was a column for "completely unplanned" on the betting sheet.

He was continuing. "What's the difference between getting pregnant now and six months from now? We can go to Ethiopia after you have the twins, we can hire a nanny to come with us." He'd pulled her into his arms, and said something else softly to her, and she said something back, both too low to hear.

"Remind me to wiretap his office," Cullen grumbled again. "We're missing all the mushy good parts."

Whatever they were saying, he started to smile more, and she stopped whacking and poking him as he held her, and then she laughed at something he said. "Come on Bones, I'll buy you a cheeseburger," he said, then went and got his jacket. "Or maybe a double cheeseburger," he added, waggling his eyebrows at her.

She whacked him again, but now she was smiling, and she hadn't thrown her whole weight into it this time. "And a double order of fries, and my own chocolate milkshake," she ordered, as he ushered her out of his office, his hand at her back and beaming as bright as the sun. She was glowing, too, her earlier anger replaced by that ineffable glow of pregnancy. I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed it earlier this week when I saw them at the lab.

"Whatever you say, Bones, whatever you say." He followed her out to the elevator, all of our heads turning as the door opened, they got in, and then he picked her up, yelling "Twins!" The last thing we saw was her smiling and whacking him as she said, "Booth! Put me down!"

"Wow." I said.

"Nice eye in the lobby," said Sam Cullen, clapping me on the shoulder. "I wouldn't have missed that for the world."

We all turned to Jack, who'd gone over to borrow Charlie's computer. It was quiet, the same air of anticipation hanging heavy as it did, the last few times. Charlie, meanwhile, was looking smug-- like he knew something.

Jack finished bringing the spreadsheet up, and scrolled through, after typing in the date and location. His eyes widened, and he turned around, looking at Charlie. "Wow, man, you changed your bet just last week, how did you know?

Charlie laughed before saying, "I've got five sisters, all older than me, and they all have kids. You start to get a sense for these things."

"Well, man, congratulations. There's $20,000.00 in the kitty." Damn. How did the pool get so big? People must have put in more than one bet. There was a massive inhalation from him and the crowd, and Charlie whooped, then got up and ran over to his girlfriend, Sherrill, who worked down in dispatch. "Baby! Now we can have that big church wedding, just like we wanted!" He picked her up and twirled her around, much as Agent Booth-Brennan had with his wife, just moments ago.

Jack was smiling, and shaking his head. "Twins, man, who knew?" He paused, thinking, as we all settled down. He finished, then climbed up on Charlie's desk.

"Okay, multiple categories. Due date, identical or fraternal, if fraternal, same sex or mixed. There will be a separate pool for baby names, both by actual name and by either traditional and overtly religious or obscure and anthropologically significant." There was a ripple of laughter rolling over the group, and people started lining up, pulling out their wallets and purses. Charlie and Sherrill were still off in a corner, making out for all the world to see.

Sam Cullen just shook his head, and I got in line behind him. "Twins tend to come early," he muttered. "And Booth has a fraternal twin brother Jared." Wait. How'd he know that? I've got to do more research this time.

"Jack?" I called.

"Yeah, Sweets?"

"How long's the pool going to be open?"

"Initial entry has to be within two weeks of today. But you can change your bet twice, any time after that. Same as always."

I stepped out of the line, and headed back to my office. To look up anthropologically significant, fraternal, mixed gender baby names. The mixed gender was my wild card, but I knew one thing-- if he got her pregnant with twins, there was no way he wasn't going to give in on calling them whatever she wanted. I wondered where to begin. Greek mythology? Hmm. Maybe Vedic hymns. Yeah. Vedic hymns. That was almost obscure enough for her. I was so going to win this next round.

//////////////////////////////////

"Temperance, twins? Really?" he asked, as soon as he put her down inside the elevator. He was glowing with joy. "I mean, I knew we agreed we'd do it today, after you had your appointment, but really, Bones? Twins?"

She smiled, then pulled his head down to kiss him. "Yes, Seeley, twins, really. Do you want to know the genders? We can find out in another month or so."

He shook his head. "No, I want it to be a surprise. You seed the pool next time, just don't tell me, okay?"

She nodded, agreeing. "I'm glad Charlie will get his big wedding, now."

Booth smiled. "Five sisters, four brothers, and fifteen nieces and nephews? And Sherrill's got five siblings, too. They needed the money just to feed the close family."

Bones smiled in response. "You're a good man, looking into that. I hope they invite us, if I'm not too fat to waddle into the church by then. And I'm still annoyed about having to postpone our trip to Africa."

Booth pulled her in for another kiss as the elevator hit the ground floor, and started to open. "Like I said, Bones, we'll go as soon as they can fly. And I think you're gorgeous, no matter what. But, Bones! Twins!"

"You already said that," she smirked. "Let's go, I'm hungry. You promised me that burger and fries, remember?"

"Whatever you want, Bones. Whatever you want. Twins!"


End file.
